What I Learned in October
October has been one of the most introspective months of my life. I’ve learned a lot about my values and goals, and I’m leaving this month with a brand new perspective on the I want to lead my life moving forward.
Life is too short to be anything but happy
October was a month of internal conflict. I found myself in a truly defeating position, and I found it so difficult to make a decision about what to do. Some days would be good, but most days were just horrible. I’ve never felt so consistently unhappy in my life.
After lots of reflection, I realized that I won’t stand for being anything but happy in this life. I understand that not all days are made of sunshine and rainbows. But, right now, the position I’m in makes for an overwhelming amount of bad days. Days filled with anxiety, tears, anger, and sadness. Days that cloud my ability to see any good at all. I’ve turned into a sad and pessimistic mess over the past month. This is not the person who I am, nor is it the person who I want to be.
I’ve been making a conscious effort to see how I could practice my values in this position, instead of wishing my position aligned with my values. In other words, I’ve been trying to change myself (what I can control) versus trying to change my position (what I can’t control). But I strongly value happiness and positivity, and I don’t think those are values that I’m willing to sacrifice so often in my everyday life.
One day this month, I came across a post on Liz Gilbert’s Instagram that said, “Run my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings.” This quote has been floating around in my mind since the say I stumbled upon it, because I truly feel like my soul has been caged and my wings have been clipped. Therefore, I think a serious change is in order. I feel scared and happy and relieved and anxious all at the same time. But, I think it will make me so much happier. To me, that’s worth it all.
Your work is not your worth
I work 40+ hours a week. Often times, I take my work home with me on weeknights and weekends. A lot of young students’ futures depend on me doing my job well and with purpose. It’s a lot of pressure. But, when I feel like I’m not serving my purpose despite how hard I try, it can become defeating.
Thos month, my husband made me realize that I was associating my work with my worth. I was ignoring all of the other parts of me that make me who I am. I forgot that I am not just a teacher. I’m also a writer, a bookworm, a yogi, an adventurer, and more.
In October, I learned that it is so important to indulge in the parts of you that make you feel alive and bring you joy. Your job is a small, small part of who you are. I’m still learning how not to let my job consume me. I’m learning to maintain an identity outside of my career, while allowing my truest personality to coexist with my work life. It’s a process, for sure. But I’m much happier after having put in the effort to practice this value.
Sometimes, the best person to write to is yourself
Journaling, people. I talked about this briefly in my October Currently, but journaling has been so therapeutic for me during the month of October.
As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been dealing with a lot of internal conflicts this month. So, every day, I’ve taken some time to write about my thoughts. This has helped me reflect deeply on exactly how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling that way. Re-reading these journal entries has also helped me sort through some very tough decisions by allowing me to reflect on the bigger picture.
If I didn’t have myself to talk to this month, I know my decision-making process would have been much more difficult to manage. If you’re struggling with a personal conflict, I’d highly recommend writing about how you feel! This uncensored and nonjudgemental platform is truly freeing.
Those are just a few things I’ve learned this month. October was certainly one of the most challenging, yet enlightening months I’ve had this year. It has me looking forward to the future and inspired to strive for growth in the coming months.
What did you learn in October?